When I was at my heaviest at 180 pounds, the feeling that I felt the most was Disgust.
And the Result of how I Feel to Myself:
- Think: "You are so Fat that I don't even want to look at You in the Mirror!"
- Do: Judging and Loathing myself all the time!
And as that accumulated over the years, I was also subconsciosly judging and loathing the people around me as well, especially my love ones.
And this feeling of Disgust was directed mostly towards my Mum:
- I was constantly criticial towards her actions and words
- I was trying hard to control and mould her into what I felt was good for her
- I got fustrated by her reactions and I avoided her as it was too painful being together
As I caught myself after resetting my Gut Health with Raw Food Detox and my journey of Emotional Mastery, I realised, whatever I was directing at my Mum was just a reflection of all the unresolved and unaddressed feelings that I felt towards Myself.
I was causing my own Suffering.
My mum was just my excuse for not facing myself, as:
Looking at Her just reminded me of Myself.
And that was just too Raw, Tender and Painful for me to Face It then...